The Struggle

It is 2015 now. No— I’m not going to talk about how fast the time flies or discussing whether the earth moves around the sun faster. No.

It just wows me that I’m going be a sophomore this year. And I’m so lucky that I still have the ability to breath right now, and live my life pretty happily. Like, seriously, my heart’s been beating for fifteen years (16 soon) and fifteen isn’t a small number at all, you know. You need to have a 10 first, and then the 5. If you are a high schooler like me, I believe, you know how hard it is to get a 10, an absolute score, on your maths test. Well if you don’t feel the same way then at least you know how the contestants of America’s Next Top Model are dying for a 10 score from Tyra Banks, right? (This is so irrelevant. I shouldn't have necessarily wrote this)

Rather than entirely talk about how thankful myself is, I’m going to talk about my sister who’s about to graduate from college this year. She's 6 years old older than me. Well, I'm lazy to, but, I did count. Okay, she's 22 now. Fyi, she was born in 1993 so if you read this post in 2019 or 2037 you can keep a track on your own. Anyway, back to the topic, she’s a college senior, and currently working on a senior project/thesis/what they called “skripsi”.  I’m not going to talk about it specifically because apparently I have no idea what the college life is like, but, what I can sum up from what I see is... It’s stressful. At least for my sister. She’s indeed struggling right now. She always frowns and eats a lot lately. Starting a conversation with her is something we are afraid of. She’s been so sensitive lately. Hahaha, good luck sist.

What she's been doing all the time

Her what-so-called "timeline skripsi". Anyway, it's June now. She puts the "pro" in procrastination.

It wakes me up, though. I know that— whether I like it or not, I'm going to face it too. Some questions stuck in my mind, What college will I be studying at? What will I do in the next 10 years? Where will I be? Will I be able to do the things that I like to do? What if all the dream I had didn't go as it is planned? What if I disappoint my parents? My mind fucked up. 

My current view. As I'm writing this post through my dad's laptop which is on a wooden foldable study table, there's something scares me. No, don't try to scroll down until you find it out!

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Ta-dah! The list of schools and colleges which my siblings and I went to and/or go to. You see it, right? There's a blank that is waiting to be filled. That's going to be filled with the name of my future college. (From left to right: my sister's, my brother's, mine) (From top to bottom: elementary sch, middle sch, high sch, college)

My future scares me. (anyway, sorry for my broken english)