sweet memories

Tiba-tiba kepikiran untuk nulis lagi

Hihihi

Sekedar mau nostalgic aja si,

Tentang hidup yang dijalani fati

Si anak pondok kopi

Btw, kenapa harus nulis si?

Hmmmmm jadi

Kebetulan gue orang yang suka nyimpen memori2

Lucu ga si, kalau gue udah ibu ibu nanti,

Trus baca blog ini lagi,

Nanti bisa nostalgia-nostalgiaan,

dan mungkin sedikit berkomentar

“kok lu dulu bego bgt si, Ti”

HAHAHA let's stop the rhymes right here. Sebenernya banyak banget momen-momen dalam hidup gue yang gak ter-capture dalam blog ini. Sedih. Harusnya gue lebih rajin lagi buat nulis2 kek beginiaan.

Oke, langsung aja. Gue lulus SMA :)

(-ageng)

Highschool was so great :”) meskipun gak seindah yang diceritakan ftv ftv indonesia tapi menurut gue sma tuh seindah itu. Banyak banget yang bisa gue kenang dari masa sma gue (karna seperti yang gue udah gue singgung, gue orangnya suka mengenang-ngenang). 

Dari kelas sepuluh yang masi bloon bloon (sekarang dah kuliah tetep bloon juga si), kaku ngets kenalan2 sama orang, TRIP OBSERVASI!!! REVIVAL!!!

Kelas sepuluh gue super kaget gitu smp ke sma beda parah karna smp kek gue merasa kerjaannya belajar di kelas doang dan di sma gue kayak, aduh, beda bgt de. Liar. First time ever keluar2 ruma sampe malem. Ada aja deh pokonya dalam seminggu pulang ke rumah setelah waktu sholat Isya, kerja kelompok lah apa lah. Udah gituuuu ga dijemput jemput, tapi naik apa? GOJEK!! My life savior omggg, anak sma tuh mobilitasny setinggi itu dannn ojek2 online tuh bagii gue sengebantu itu.

Kelas sebelas yang kerjaannya tiap malem minggu dateng ke birthday party temen, trus kerjaannya ngajak nyokap ke thamcit / tanabang mulu karna dresscode tiap birthday party beda2 :”) Kelas sebelas literally jaman tersantuy dalam sma dimana gue pikirannya main doang kwkwkw

Kelas dua belas was great. And super tiring, by the way. Hidup gue hanya berkutat di kodam, tebet, pondok kopi, repeat (alias: 81-bta-rumah).

Buku kuning was everyone’s friend HAHAHA. Bener bener yang kaya orang lu ga pernah liat belajar sebelumnya, di kelas dua belas they’ll turn into study experts. Titik perjuangan bgt tuh. Apalagi yang nilainya ga gede gede amat untuk bisa lulus snm kaya gueee HUAA.

Regardless all the hecticness di kelas dua belas, masa sma gue ditutup dengan such a beautiful beautiful night yaitu....... prom night!

I wished I could go back to high school :”( super duper sedih kalo inget kalau gue sekarang bukan anak sma lagi. Ini foto terakhir dengan sos 81'17 di hari jumat terakhir kita di 81 HUHUHU

Vivaldi's Four Season

Call me weird, because I listened to Vivaldi's "Four Season" A LOT in these past few days.
This is strange, I mean I'm like a Twenty One Pliots kinda person.
I don't usually listen to these kind of music but now I'm addicted.

Anyway, it's been ages since I posted a thing here. Now it's 2017, lol.

I don't even know who you are,
and why you're here
wasting minutes of your time
reading craps you don't even want to read.
But, happy new year to you.
I hope all your wishes and dreams
may come true in this year
(you deserve them),
and may this year filled up with
healthiness, happiness, and luck.
Insha Allah.

"Nama Fatimah Azzahra. Keberatan nama sih lu, Ti. Makanya jadi pendek." - Farkhan Abdul Gofier

Huft

Udah mau UAS. 

Lemas. Gak bisa bebas. 

Meja belajar akan penuh dengan tumpukan kertas. 

Sebenarnya, masih banyak materi yang belum jelas. 

Belum tuntas. 

Tapi untung bisa minta ajarin teman sekelas. 

Sambil memasang muka memelas. 

"Hadyan, hadyan, integral nih, gak ngerti nomer sebelas". 

Huft. 

Kenapa ya kok aku gak cerdas-cerdas?

Padahal apa coba yang belum ku bahas?

Aku juga bukan anak yang malas.

Huft.

Capek sebenarnya, tapi harus ikhlas.

Mau tak mau, harus jalani dengan hati yang luas.

Semoga saja malam ini hujan turun deras. 

Soalnya kalau belajar sambil dengar suara hujan tuh, rasanya pas.

Belum lagi dengan baunya yang khas.

Membuatku antusias.

Ah. Gaya ya?

Bicara tentang hujan layaknya sastrawan berkelas.

Udah ah. 

Masih banyak tugas.

Yang belum tuntas.

(I know it's crappy and disgust you. But I'm sorry it's not about the content, it's about the rhymes)

Sudah 14 Tahun

Hubungan I dan A yang telah dibangun nyaris harmonis kembali hancur di tanggal 11 September 2001. Keduanya saling curiga, saling mencibir, saling tuduh menuduh. Empat pesawat, tiga ribu korban jiwa, enam ribu korban luka. Pukul 8.46, dua pesawat jatuh ke Menara Kembar (WTC). Pukul 9:37, pesawat jatuh di atas gedung Pentagon di kota Arlington, Virginia. Pukul 10:03, pesawat keempat, di Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Hanya butuh dua jam dua puluh dua menit untuk membuat menara runtuh secara utuh. Semua orang berteriakan dan berlarian dalam keadaan panik. Awan berubah warna menjadi hitam pekat. Entah siapa yang berbuat dan entah siapa yang harus bertanggung jawab. Semua orang sibuk berdebat dan diskusi tentang siapa yang benar dan siapa yang salah. Banyak berdatangan teori konspirasi. Tetapi, untuk apa juga teori konspirasi. Publik sudah terlebih dahulu menarik konklusi sebelum datang teori konspirasi. Toh, mencari tahu fakta dan realita itu bukan yang utama di saat informasi dari media datang lebih cepat, instan, logis, mudah dimengerti. Terlebih, menarik untuk dibaca, karena menyudutkan pihak yang lemah dan sudah pasti salah. Peristiwa 11 September telah mengukir sejarah dan sejarah adalah saksi bisu bahwa peradaban manusia saat ini kejam, licik dan menyedihkan.

Living Life At Its Worst

Hey, 

I didn't mean to intervene your life, but, pay a full attention to the following sentence I'm going to write-- No one, ever, has a right to stop you.

You gotta move. Just like the electron clouds that surround the nucleus, they can never be in a state of stillness, otherwise, the atoms would collapse. And even the components of the nucleus are always in motion.

Work on your dreams. Sometimes you need your mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, friends, bestfriends, girlfriend, boyfriend, teachers, lecturers, neighbors, and basically everyone near you to laugh out loud after hearing your dreams and that they add a comment on, 'No, kid. You can't do it'. As for me, it is the best motivation ever. The main goal shifts from 'I gotta chase my dream' to 'I gotta prove them wrong' which is apparently can make you feel pressured at first, but, will eventually be very gratifying sooner or later when it is accomplished. Nothing worth-having comes easy, right? So instead of just dream it, you have to work on it. Don't make ridiculous excuses such as 'I'm afraid to fail'. No, that's rubbish. Say to yourself that someday and somehow, everything will be worth it. If it is not, then it is not the end.

Surround yourself with the someone that makes you happy. If you think you already are, you are lucky. Be with them, protect them, show that you care, share what you have, you don't want to lose them. I'll tell you what. It is not awkward at all and very okay to tell them "I love you", or "I miss you", or whatever. There is always a goodbye in every hello. And you never know when that goodbye really is, right?

In other hand if you think you're not with the ones who make you happy, simple. Leave them. It's time to Be someone that makes you happy. You're fine. You're good. You're never "not good enough" for this and for that. You’re living a life at its worst if somebody takes control of it. As if you're in a bus, and s/he drives, and you don't know where/when it arrives. As if they ritually tell you what to do, what to say, what to wear, what not to do, what not to wear, what not to say, how to react to something, complain things and complicate them. 
  Life is short, don't make it shorter.

May you find what you're looking for,
May you live in interesting times, 
- F.a

The Struggle

It is 2015 now. No— I’m not going to talk about how fast the time flies or discussing whether the earth moves around the sun faster. No.

It just wows me that I’m going be a sophomore this year. And I’m so lucky that I still have the ability to breath right now, and live my life pretty happily. Like, seriously, my heart’s been beating for fifteen years (16 soon) and fifteen isn’t a small number at all, you know. You need to have a 10 first, and then the 5. If you are a high schooler like me, I believe, you know how hard it is to get a 10, an absolute score, on your maths test. Well if you don’t feel the same way then at least you know how the contestants of America’s Next Top Model are dying for a 10 score from Tyra Banks, right? (This is so irrelevant. I shouldn't have necessarily wrote this)

Rather than entirely talk about how thankful myself is, I’m going to talk about my sister who’s about to graduate from college this year. She's 6 years old older than me. Well, I'm lazy to, but, I did count. Okay, she's 22 now. Fyi, she was born in 1993 so if you read this post in 2019 or 2037 you can keep a track on your own. Anyway, back to the topic, she’s a college senior, and currently working on a senior project/thesis/what they called “skripsi”.  I’m not going to talk about it specifically because apparently I have no idea what the college life is like, but, what I can sum up from what I see is... It’s stressful. At least for my sister. She’s indeed struggling right now. She always frowns and eats a lot lately. Starting a conversation with her is something we are afraid of. She’s been so sensitive lately. Hahaha, good luck sist.

What she's been doing all the time

Her what-so-called "timeline skripsi". Anyway, it's June now. She puts the "pro" in procrastination.

It wakes me up, though. I know that— whether I like it or not, I'm going to face it too. Some questions stuck in my mind, What college will I be studying at? What will I do in the next 10 years? Where will I be? Will I be able to do the things that I like to do? What if all the dream I had didn't go as it is planned? What if I disappoint my parents? My mind fucked up. 

My current view. As I'm writing this post through my dad's laptop which is on a wooden foldable study table, there's something scares me. No, don't try to scroll down until you find it out!

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Ta-dah! The list of schools and colleges which my siblings and I went to and/or go to. You see it, right? There's a blank that is waiting to be filled. That's going to be filled with the name of my future college. (From left to right: my sister's, my brother's, mine) (From top to bottom: elementary sch, middle sch, high sch, college)

My future scares me. (anyway, sorry for my broken english)